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When finally I grow tired of your body,
it will not be of your butterfly caress,
your hands laid like ripe persimmons
on the swayed table of my back. When finally
your thrust into me is no longer heroin
and does not swell my veins, does not, when absent,
leave me shivering with need, make you just
another load of laundry that holds my interest
only to split bright colors from flat hues, when
finally that lively watersnake, your tongue, slithers
not through a damp and folded earth of me,
but rather over desert, where heat and lack of food
determine its slow death. Well. Until then,
you are weather. Your casual lightning strikes me down
and my earthy skin shows my bare and ever wound.
- COMMENTS
KOLKOREover 16 years agoInterestingly the extended opening statement remains with no closure. It may not be the end, just the beginning of the new stage, what do people in the midst of the height of passion know? You will stay and you will love each other even more for things you have yet to discover. <P>
But for now enjoy your weather man...
KOLKOREover 16 years agoThe following is not said in any acrimonious way and simply reflects the way I feel on the two forums- namely the public board and the poetry feedback thread. With regard to reviews or feedbacks which cross several poems or cover general themes or meta subjects I find the idea of the separate poetry thread very productive. But beyond the important work of reviewing the ongoing poems which catch the eye of each reviewer (like this poem) I am wondering - why keep any forum off the main public feedback board which is singularly dedicated to each particular poem? I am not claiming a universal truth or knowledge, just (and not for the first time) expressing my wish to encourage more inclusive forums by making any feedback or discussions as visible as possible to as many as possible people. NOTHING is more visible - even if for a short period of time as the new feedbacks. It could be a teaser for more readers! It could widen the pool of more readers who never tried "poetry" before, not to mention maximizing the exposure of each poem we the readers write feedback for. Dear author: I will dedicate a separate feedback to the poem itself , but I do see this issue as pertinent to all poems, yours included.
wildsweetoneover 16 years agoi mentioned this poem in the New Poem Review thread in the Poetry Forum. please feel free to come along and join in with other poets. i have given a 50% temperature rating to this submission so that it does not affect other, future temperature ratings. - wildsweetone
Anonymousover 16 years agoNicely done, well-laden with fresh simile and metaphor. I wasn't quite sure about the next-to-last word, "ever" ... but the rest of the poem overwhelmed it. Erotic? Yes. Poetry? Oh yes.
