Old friend

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I am knowing fear again, that old friend
hanging 'round
offering me the bitter cup of mistrust and secrets.

No, I don't want you 'round.
yet, old faithful, you always come back
at first conflict.
at first doubt.

No, I don't want you 'round
yet, so devoted and loyal
unlike many I've known.
you seek to cradle me in an embrace
of thorns made comfortable through
repetitions of years,
I've developed just the right
wounds from your tender cruelties, you see.
we fit so perfectly at times.

You're nigh irresistible
when I am weary of depending on myself
and lean on others. It's a recipe for
small disasters that I keep on preppin'
for that feast to come.

it's tiring defending myself.
and I'm so very tired, friend.
with you, in your familiar caresses
though they be scalding and tipped with exacting blades,
I already know how it will feel.

Nay, come.
If only so I do not have to fight or feel.
I cannot resist much longer.

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