- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Old Vows Long Remembered
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Click hereYou, girl
I claim wholly to be mine
in body and mind
in soul and spirit
As mine
Will I protect and defend
With all of my strength
Even to my last breath
And keep you ever close
To my beating heart
Where is your true home
Always and forever
- COMMENTS
meurdracalmost 3 years agoAuthorI love these points. Thank you (much belatedly).
These were vows once taken. But I will confess that the "vows" part of any marriage ceremony absolutely ruins the whole experience for me. Sometimes, certain vows will haunt me for days. Honestly, I think I could take the couple attempting to do a "rap-off" competition with their vows (at one another) much better in many instances. So, as I wrote these vows, I wrote them with a specific woman in mind, but I leaned on those cliches because (aren't vows themselves cliches?) I thought they would be the least awfui of various approaches (to which I can perform). When I finished, I read them, and I only half-winced (but I didn't feel like they ruined the moment).
That was improvement enough and voila!!
Thank you very much for reading and sharing.
M
Desejoover 11 years agoI like the structure and flow, and the theme is nice. I think it could be stronger if you used less common ways of expressing some of the lines; eg always and forever, even to the last breath, protect and defend, beating heart . Wondering about your title choice too - it makes me wonder if this is about marriage, or patriotism? hmmm.
