On the edge

I looked you in the eye
and lied to you
I can't not do it
I can not resist the release
my hand on the blade
the blade across my skin
my flesh parts
my blood flows

I know you do not understand
you do not feel what i feel
you do not hold within you
the need for this flow
the draw of this blade
the blade across my skin
my flesh parts
my blood flows

my pain is banished here
my heart is freed
the past can not find me
will not harm me
when I am under this blade
the blade across my skin
my flesh parts
my blood flows

I accept your idiosyncrasies
I take you as you are
because I care for you
I would never ask you
to share my neurosis
to take on my history
to carry my instruments
of pain of torment

perhaps I will one day be
out from under and away
from the need for this hell
I long for that treasured time
when I will give up the blade
the blade across my skin
my flesh parts
my blood flows

until then do not leave me
do not forsake me
hold me close until
the want for blood subsides
until I drop this blade
until...
my flesh is healed
my blood no longer leaves me