- Non-Erotic Poetry
- One night you were gone
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Click hereMany years ago we went to bed
Not knowing anything better
Or worse, yet
Then in the middle of the night
One sharp metal sound broke
Our silence pulled you out
Off our bed you bowed
your face buried in the phone
Your hair over your head
You shook.
I tried to touch you
Your body still sleepy and warm
Over you I could see
Fade drifting lights
Jumping off your hair
Your body’s still delaying
But you were no longer there
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 16 years agosuspected that was it, make it clearer, longer. That aspect if brought out would improve it.
KOLKOREover 16 years agoAuthorJust when I thought I was being as simple as possible...(just kidding). The light was a reflection off her hair (actually those less pronounced hairs which surround the main body of hair). At the same time it reflects the sense of pending departure where the lights are the last thing you see when watching a distancing object. this is based on real experience when emergency call reg. ailing family member put an end to failing relations. I tried to work on the two contexts in the way I cut the lines. Oh well...Thanks for the feedback!
twelveooneover 16 years agowould be better with a little more work. Not sure what you are doing here: Fade drifting lights
