- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Outside My Window
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Click hereOutside My Window
The glacier outside,
My window retreats
Begrudgingly.
The sun climbs higher,
Visits longer each day,
Thankfully.
The snow dissolves,
Filling garden rivers,
Meandering.
Troubadour of spring,
Red bird sings of life,
Renewed.
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellabout 13 years agoThe last word didn't seem to fit in with the other last stanza words for me but apart from that and the first misplaced comma nice piece
vrosej10about 13 years agoNot a big fan of nature poems myself but very well written and a HUGE improvement from your original posts here. It is good seeing you progress as a poet.
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago....can't be far away. This is like a gulp of fresh, cool air. I like the "garden rivers", we get those too, leaving stony beds behind.
I agree with butty, the line break'd be enough making the commas redundent.
Tess
Angelineabout 13 years agoabout troubador of spring sounding a little cliched but it's a small point in a poem that is simply offering a view, one that I can look out my own window and relate to, so well done.
twelveooneabout 13 years agosmall suggestion L2, L3 subject, verb
L1 could have been written The glacier retreats... to introduce a bit of parrellism.
The glacier outside,
Troubadour of spring, ah waggles hand, too expected
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