- Erotic Poetry
- Pajamas
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This is a poem I wrote live for the "writing live" thread on Literotica's Poetry Feedback & Discussion board (a href="http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=113357">http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=113357).
You don't believe me when I say
That little tank top, worn and gray,
Excites me like a cocktail dress.
"It's morning and I'm still a mess,"
You say, unable to believe
Your body ever could achieve
A beauty that inspires delight
In what you wore to bed last night.
And yet, I see you standing there,
An angel with disheveled hair,
And wish, in spite of what you've said,
To quickly take you back to bed.
- COMMENTS
GuiltyPleasureover 10 years ago....with Ange, the title does a disservice to a well constructed verse. You have a steady beat which makes it a pleasure to read and the rhyming is spot on. I also think the preamble is unecessary and off-putting. Good work. As 1201 would say, I 5d.
Angelineover 10 years agoIt is not trying to be over clever, but just makes a clear statement that is simple and human.
But I would lose the note on the intro. The poem would be much better served by a good title. (I do appreciate any link to the forum, just don't think it's doing your poem any favors).
