- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Perception Of Depth
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Click hereBrown eyes
Deep searching gaze
Teeth white
Tinged with the stains of nicotine ingested
Full lips
Soft, sinuous
Inside a voice
Begs to cry out
Ears
Slightly large
Sloping lobes
With a fissure that reminds me
My youthful indiscretions
Skin
Toughened
By age somewhat darkened
Small lines playing in the corners
He stares back at me
Searching for words that cannot form
Inarticulate mouth
Staring with eyes
Cannot express
The void of his nonexistent soul
There we stand
Face to face
Peering, questioning
Here we visualize one another
Yet in vision comes sight
In sight becomes truly seeing
We see what we do not see
Not consciously
The soul windows open
Yet no gateway within
The portal obscured
By silver laid light waves
Reflected in a pool
Of viscous sand
Is he really me
Is he who I claim to be
He is shadow
Mixed with light
Bent in sequence forming
Electrical impulses
That fire from my rods, and cones
Nero-receptors
Decoding dots of memories
Pictures
In my mind reflected
We are not
What we are
Instead
We are
What we are to become
Imagination
In a pool
Of light
Shadows
Time stands still
- COMMENTS
indianaboi33over 17 years agoAuthorThe honest feedback is great, thanks, This is my fisrt real poem. I dont know much about writing it with good flow yet, but I take your advise to heart, and I also would like to make my work the best it can be.
annaswirlsover 17 years agowow, two rods and cones references in poetry this morning! Cool!
I like the meaning in your poem, enjoyed the read. You might consider experimenting with the flow, if you are into that kind of stuff, and make pull your lines together into longer lines, see if you like the result.
I say this with a bit of apprehension. I know Eve and I both have written really whort lined poems. It is a hard process tom ove from. Sometimes it really works, and this is not too bad, but I am curious to see how this poem would change. It has some warm deep messages that feel like they should be in a deep cup like a mug of coffee or soup, the short lines seem to spead it out, spilled, and it loses its heat.
Just my opinion. For what it is worth :)
