- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Petitioning the Lower Circuit
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereWe were never together
so when you broke up with me
I didn’t know what to do.
I would like to petition the court
for a protective order
for my trade secrets and work products.
Let’s put the burden of proof
on the others.
Fucking metaphors.
In the driest language of the law
there are none.
I would like to request a waiver,
an exemption to
the aforementioned non - relationship.
Please strike from the record
all pursuant documents and memories.
We were never together
so when you broke up with me
what was I supposed to do?
- COMMENTS
ishtatalmost 19 years agoThis is very good, in the top 1% of poems submitted but I agree with 1201 that without the first 3 and the last three lines it is better, much better than good. The title does a lot for the poem too. Thanks
twelveoonealmost 19 years agoI beleive Pat had mentioned you, I see why. I mean this in all the best spirit of constructive critism. Your words here, remind me of Marianne Moore, not for the average reader. You start out with lines that do not catch the eye, and end with almost the same, perhaps worse, it looks like an afterthought.
Fatal - fatal
IF I look at this, starting at:
"I would like to petition the court"
this jumps out at you, in juxtaposion with
"Fucking metaphors."
and this is fine ending
"Please strike from the record
all pursuant documents and memories."
And I'm left with the feeling of "Holy, shit!, this is like Marianne Moore at her finest, and it would have been easily
one of the best things I've read in weeks.
My suggestion would be, have them delete, this, resubmit it.
If you wish to keep either the first three lines ot the end, stick 'em in the middle, perhaps in italics, I'm not sure that is a good idea.
sorry for this wordiness...
How do I say this in poetic terms?
The middles lines Kick Ass!
My Erotic Talealmost 19 years agointeresting poem, emotions were felt in your poem~
Jennifer Calmost 19 years agovery different and articulate,
enjoyed this very much.
nice job,
thanks.
~ J
