Pretty Plumber

His clogged drain, lacking expertise he calls
 Handy Plumber
 Licensed, Bonded, Insured
 Door knock, coveralls, nifty bag
 Dark ponytail, freckles, toned arms and
 Attitude

 Looks her up and down
 She just looks him down
“Clog?”
He acquiesces, leads her to the sink

 Quick diagnosis, sinkful of water, nothing going through
 Something hard in the pipe
 She sets her tools down
 Throws open the cabinet doors
 Crawls half in

 He gets a coveted view
 Round, firm, hard-working butt
 Licks his lips
 Gets too close and says
“You’re in very good shape, you know?”
He reaches toward the left cheek
 Gets a touch before
 Her muffled rejoinder:

“Sir, I’ve got a crescent wrench in my hand
 and it breaks shins very nicely”
His hand comes back snake bite-fast
 Laughs it off
“Sorry, I slipped, there’s water on the floor—"

She backs up onto haunches, aforementioned wrench in hand
 Hair wild and face stern
“Then you better sit down over there,
 so no more accidents happen-- to you.”
and she brandishes it

 He backs as from a bear, slow, hands up, eyes forward
 Sits across the kitchen
 She crawls back in and turns the wrench
 He stands and the chair squeeks
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help myself, you’re the most beautiful—”
She’s up in a flash
“sir, I swear to God I’ll tie you to that chair if I have to—”

 “Please!” she swallows hard “Please, miss plumber, yes,”
Her brow furrows
 Wrench between them she orders him
“Sit”
He sits
 She opens her bag, takes out duct tape
“You hold still”
 “Yes, miss plumber.” he is docile but excited now
 She wraps his legs first, two quick rounds of duct tape on the ankles

“hands by your side”
He obeys
 She clamps down metal plumbers tape
 stares at him a second, what next

 He struggles a little
“You’re good at this, miss plumber”
She checks the bindings again
“You behave now, and when I’m done I’ll let you go.”
Back to work, he has a fine view while she opens up the pipe
 She pries out a long, rubber-

“You know—” he starts
“there’s women that get paid for this.”
 “What?..” she answers, preoccupied with closing the pipe back up
 He swallows hard
“There’s women who get paid just to—”
 “just to tie guys up.”

She finally recognizes the object
“Hey, are you some kind of perv—”
She looks over at him
 His erection evident through his pants
 sweating

 She stands quick, looks left and right
“Hey, what is this, who else is here?”
 “Good, God, no one!” he exclaims,
 but she’s rushing through the house, wrench at the ready
 He can hear her check each room
 She comes back, satisfied but now curious
“See?“ He says “it’s just me, I’m at your mercy, miss plumber.”

She stands for a second, relaxes
“Ok…
Ok you weirdo, I’m making a bill for the drain, it is all fixed.”
She writes out a receipt
 Lets one arm loose so he can sign it
 Loosens the other and rips the tape off with a satisfying
 Cchrrip
 Finally free he says
“I-I’d pay you double this if you came back next week
 and we just do the chair part. Maybe some other stuff--”

She pauses, uncertain for a moment
“Hmmm… I’ll think about it”
gathers up her tools
 hand on the door knob
“I’m not fucking you”
 “No, no of course not”
As she walks out he adds
“wear exactly what you’re wearing, but leave your knickers at home.”