Prisoner Of War

Nightmares from long ago
Lurk behind the corners of my war addled heart
From those nights locked away in the cramped room
No lights to chase the ebony darkness away
No kind words to ease the pain
Trapped alone in the back of the house
Tucked 'safely' away from their own flesh and blood like I was some plague to be feared
The ache so deep I could feel the crater inside
Like a grenade had detonated in the wake of fresh plucked innocence
Restless nights filled with tossing and turning
Turbulence quaking through my sleep at the slightest sound
Fear coursing through my veins
Playing me like a broken marionette
Shuddering in terror of the dark shadows coming back to my blood stained sheets
Caged away like a prisoner in a home that was suppose to be a safe haven but the bars around my heart put the iron clad windows of my room to shame
The bars were meant to keep me in but they did nothing to keep me safe
I wore the body of a starving child; ribs showing, pale flesh, the effects of malnutrition written upon my young weathered features
My childhood hidden beneath bruises
Surviving, hardly existing, on a morning ration of grits to get me through the long days on the farm and the even longer nights
I'd fall upon my bed hearing the lock latch on the other side of the door
Listen with strained ears for the footsteps to fade away before climbing out of the bed to barricade the door with the few furnishings in the room
Believing in my childlike way that my makeshift barrier could protect me from the monsters that hid behind cruel smiles under the same roof as I
I'd hoist my way back to the top bunk and nestle close to the window
Gazing at the sliver of visible stars through tear blurred eyes
Sleep only found me when I'd choked on my silent sobs, soaking my pillow night after night in a multitude of tears
My deepest fears registering in my mind and playing across the land of dreams behind my closed eyelids
That old beat up yellow Volkswagen bug front and center in my dream
It was hurdling towards a cliff
A mother who wanted nothing to do with me on her throne up front
My little brother and sister in the backseat like faded memories slipping through my fingers like grains of sand
My fear riddled face pressed against the glass opposite of my mother
Mere moments before plunging to our impending death the woman who ushered me into the world snatched the only two people I cared about from the screeching car
Before me the cliff's ledge was fast approaching
Behind me my siblings stood safe on solid ground
My mother locking me in the car as I pounded helplessly against the window with tears and screams flooding the car as she waltzed away laughing
Mocking me with words of how unwanted I was
I'd wake up screaming just as the car was about to become scrap metal at the bottom of the cliff
Shaking so badly the whole bed rocked
Knowing without KNOWING that there was an inevitable oblivion I'd have to face before my number was up
The nightmares within my nightmares
There was no escape
Plucked from one hell to another
My mind is a war zone these days
The nightmares creeping up on me with their icy fingers clutching at my soul
I was rescued years later but here I am now
A decade under my belt
And my mind remains a prisoner of the war I survived