Chrissylicious

Note: This used to be called „Pristine“. I would like to thank User Blin18 for suggesting I create an audio version of this to make it easier to appreciate. I intend to do that, so look for it in my publications! For now, here's the raw text:

CHRISSYLICIOUS

Intro:

Christine's pristine!
Christine's pristine!
Christine's pristine!
Christine's pristine!

Christina's prestigious
…
Christina's prodigious
…

1.

She's everything from chivalry
to liver-rending revelry,
a heavenly delivery,
lascivious her devilry.

She'll rave of the unsavoury,
then swivel, and it's pivotal,
to graveness so unwavering-
ly civil you forgive it all.

Brawling baboons are baffled by
her bluff-and-box ability
and matching illegitimate-
ly magical agility.

She'll ask all the rascals to task,
her huskiness near muscular,
her frown --how low the grown bow down--
so dusky, so crepuscular!

2.

Her poise so choice the boys are dazed,
her voice displays amazing grace,
her blazing gaze of laser rays
plays with their days in crazy ways!

Her frightful tightness a delight-
ful sight to Kim and Mike alike,
her spiky psyche on a hike
--try catch it on a motorbike!

Try mentally outpacing her!
The whackiest won't back you. Men
and women falter facing her
accumulated acumen.

Her scintillating intellect;
her mouth and mind miracula;
vocabulary fabulous,
articulate, vernacular.

3.

She needles, leads at speed into
the weeds, we heed her needily,
We'd rather bleed our seed than be
freed! Oh, we feed her greedily!

She puts upon a pyre the pom-
pous principle of piety,
lets prosper our proposals of
prepost'rous impropriety!

The rusty bust their crust, regain their
gusto, chuck their dustiness.
Rumbustious is her lust, they must
combust within her mustiness.

A gust, a subtle rustle, sultry
lustre, and we cluster. Is
she sussed or just unfussed how much
discussed she is? Illustrious!

4.

Dislodges from his dodgy knees
the stodgiest Diogenes,
has Socrates and progeny
mix logic and misogyny.

"Descends on us with gentleness,
Defenceless as her gender is:
resplendent, disingenuous,
incendiary tenderness!"

"Despondent with our longing this
Gioconda should belong to us,
imponderably fond of this
unconscionable wantonness!"

"Inordinately bored with our
so laudable formality;
erectly baulk at her raw ma-
rauding petit-mortality!"

5.

She'll work on us, twerk on us, 'til
we're all cold-turkey-jerkiness,
circle us with a lurking smirk,
a disconcerting perkiness.

She presses us with flirtiness,
blesses us with her dirtiness,
stresses that her restless pubes-
cent nest requests insertin' us!

Impertinent, impetuous,
her ecstasy infectious. Miss,
have mercy on your sisters, it's
inferior complexiness!

Tempestuous incestuous,
a temptress in excess to us!
Have mercy on the brothers lack-
ing access to your sexiness.

6.

Her pleasure's ever-present. Sense
her effervescent essence as
she has us undress and caress
her excellent excrescences.

Ridiculous cunicula,
she lets us prick and tickle her,
lets us lick the trickle from her
immaculate particular!

Picks and attacks the jugular
with fingertips tentacular,
inveigles us with fickle tricks
and bleeds our hearts like Dracula.

You actually tackle her,
shackle her, turn your back on her.
She'll crack a wily, guileful smile
and have your soul in craquelure.

7.

"No-one with my friendship'll skip
my culinary triple-tip:
a lip-to-lip in appelsap,
a lap-to-lap, a nipple-sip.

I'm meat and right, your duty-bound
down to my beauty crack. You'll a-
gree (if you'll bear the tongue in cheek)
my sphincter is spectacular!"

You'll splutter, bubble, burble, but
I'll bet you'll never "maybe" her,
your Billy Boy bamboozled by
her able baby labia!

The inky sin of sinking in
her skin, her pinkest wrinkliness.
Her dripping lip, its slipping grip,
a trip to ripply sprinkliness!

8.

"Christina ushers in blushes,
gushing blood-rush through our bushes."
"Christina's lush as a plushy
cushion. Just enjoy her pushes."

"Christina brings notions unko-
sher, ferocious and atrocious."
"Christina's precious, precocious,
super-etcetera-docious."

"Christina's voracious, rapa-
cious, tenacious as ten Aishas."
"Christina's racy and gracious,
acest face since the Cretaceous."

"Christina's capricious, mali-
cious, pernicious, witchy, vicious!"
"Christina's prestigious, prodi-
gious, propitious, pussylicious!"

DISCLAIMER:

Christina's flippant, facetious,
fatuous, fully fictitious.

You don't want a pinch of salt with this, but a bucket might do. This is almost more about the language than the content. It's an orgy of words. No-one I know is (im)mortalised here, just in case you've got an odd friend like me and find yourself wondering.

Suggestions for recital: read as fast as clear articulation permits – think of the Major General song. Imagine a regular background beat and keep in time with it, but don't pronounce the words unnaturally to try and fit it. Instead, emphasise all the words as you normally would and embrace the resulting syncopations. Their presence and their increase towards the end is very intentional. This is rap. Ideally, read each of the 8 parts in one breath and take a short breather before the next.

One last thing: if I ever feel like revealing myself as the author of this poem elsewhere, I will, as proof, give the prime factors of 41,693,329,203,402,101,010,711,131,821,990,523,319,786,790,605,784,190,497,657,837,198,106,058,334,027,312,682,113,519,737,135,033,749,097,436,879,233,244,978,730,704,780,373,065,745,803,313,303,906,000,117,390,704,047,694,169,662,098,764,103,699,050,405,232,478,479,316,480,028,933,920,849,385,433,062,399,223,350,759,470,812,420,579,565,016,612,894,808,500,093,738,548,420,713,608,246,747,724,667,928,675,821,898,490,779,484,142,920,598,826,497,150,133,246,193,795,136,743,673,581,039,913,957,665,470,319,715,447,958,780,297,321,273,022,549,907,782,235,109,572,169,197,315,742,386,739,563,583,784,074,348,253,306,515,497,793,962,428,772,989,390,858,782,473,583,300,092,283,778,076,845,242,956,359,760,820,273,762,776,700,779,744,951,234,559,299,206,997,426,757,067,144,395,721,106,617,021,350,036,573,572,790,333,716,942,044,906,213,588,898,245,079,544,931,322,616,516,520,572,799,387,638,987,080,592,367,651,963,687,411,906,110,411,898,328,384,651,061,421,674,059,778,168,244,407,903,352,399,855,159,35