Racing

Thoughts always racing
I keep thinking, thinking, thinking
I try, but I can't stop
Keep thinking,
What did I do wrong
Why I'm not worth honesty
Why I'm not worth time
Why you hated me so fucking much
Why I cared so intensely, and still do
Why I opened up
Why I made myself so vulnerable
why, why, fucking why?
How you could look me in the eye,
knowing the pain you caused,
and never speak about it
Why you wanted to hurt me so fucking badly
Why you kept rubbing it in
rubbing salt in my wounds
fucking hurting me over and over
Why you never faced me
Why you sent someone else to disappoint me
to make me feel cheap and used
My God, the fucking questions.
I can't fucking concentrate
I can hardly sleep
I can't look myself in the eye
I can't look others in the eye
I'm not worth shit
you made me see it
and it makes me ashamed
that i had the nerve to think i was something else
you taught me my lesson well
and It's making me crazy
And i hide it
I try so damned hard to hide it
And it still slips through
I isolate myself
hiding it in my own way
and i try so hard to forget
but nothing works