Ramblings About Familial Issues

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Then …

Emotionless emotions
running deep
in a waterless ocean,
satisfaction fully empty
disguised as an ernest
heartfelt reaction.
There’s no ceremony
to celebrate
the vows I took when I chose
to reject your parental nook.

Now …

Four years have passed since we last spoke.
The emotional distance in this instance
has been my best, low maintenance friend.
And in the end my heart sings
silly songs that make me smile,
no longer that melancholy melody
that was so maddening in my mind.

And I think I will call you today.

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jthserrajthserraabout 20 years ago
I was a little torn here...

The metaphor in the first stanza felt forced and seemed out of place. The second stanza opened nicely, but the "heart sings" smacked of cliche', but then you played that "melancholy melody" and grabbed me back again. Combine that with some nice internal rhyme and the second stanza (with the exception of "heart sings") worked very well. The first stanza did use some similar "tools" but didn't feel as natural. I think perhaps the waterless ocean threw it off for me. You might think about either dropping it, or supporting it through the poem, or just consider me a lunatic... : )

Overall an interesting ramble.

jim : )

Maria2394Maria2394about 20 years ago
yes, call her

:) and thank you for sharing

maria

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