raw

my lost days of hot tears;
i am the flowing icebreaker
realizing darkest fears
sewing sorrow from my bow

i am no great find
no amazing woman
i am the naïve child’s mind
behind this grown-up face

driving my fall from grace
these proclivities for sensitivities
with cruel and addictive taste
lovely nectars spilling forth

this inspiration i have taken
depths so ruthlessly plundered
in my quest for creation
i traffic in horrendous pain

gifts stolen without heed
friendship ruined in thoughtless folly
crushing, bruising, too great my need
please, please give me grace!

know this, i am no promised land
i am scared of myself
a dark mirage set in shifting sand
oh, what have i become?

fear my bullet riddled wake
i am a cruising loaded gun
causing vicious heartache
in vain attempts to master self

misery my sweet spring
welling up to greet me knowing
i have become a wicked thing
in this my cathartic moment

fuck me! oh, i’m falling
i grip slick sides and slip
the black pit comes calling
it feels like i am dying

ash and dust is more
caving to nothing
curled up on the floor
a weeping puddle

my chest aches
in pain-filled escape
my breath shakes
as it takes hold again

please don’t take
me any deeper!
i cannot sleep
i cannot eat

this is how life goes
cruel and unfair
my heart flows
and so it goes

and so it goes