Reaching

A word
A series of words
A conversation that deteriorates into dueling personal critiques
A year of broken emotions

A pattern of self doubt
Smatterings of moments of rebirth of soul
Causes for hope, dashed by old patterns
Reaching for the fulfillment of a moment in the summer sun

Guilt, pleas for reassurance
Needs and wants silenced under the weight of their own repetition
Desire for change
Am I nothing but a burden?

Would my departure be a favor?
Such a long path to demote into the wastelands of abandoned history
Such a dreary image, this future without the inspiration to change what was so close
What may be…what will be

Reaching for the fulfillment of a tranquil moment immersed in a song
I’d never welcomed the idea of death
I’d never seen so many hopeless paths
I’d never felt so jaded looking at the webs of possibilities

I’d never felt so cheapened by someone’s expectations
Fear that it could never seem pure
Nausea creeping in as the medium of my realization
That what I want can only be purchased with achievements

Reaching for the fulfillment of the touch of her flesh
Feeling dismissed
Colder
Every time