- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Rebirth
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I looked at all that you have lost, and in truth I somehow
know this heart, yet beating, should bear no more pain.
Though sky and ocean seem to flood the distance, like rain,
my eyes see a shore beyond this sea of blood that now,
high mountains frame. I pray the washes of grace and love endow
sweet peace upon your heart and though long, at journey's blessed end,
greet you in warm acceptance. It's said wounds heal and bones mend.
Lie here with me and wait as the sun sets and daylight takes a bow.
Cry no more and dream your hopes anew, my love, don't show
your future that shattered past, begin to live again. It's not one
door closes but another opens. With hope's light, bright as the sun,
dry those tears, breathe again in sweet anticipation. Grow
high as treetops on mountain slopes just as summer becomes snow.
Fly your wishes into dawn, let life take you, let the wind blow.
- COMMENTS
lorencinoabout 16 years agoI read this after reading the delightful "Nana" and was struck by how self-conscious this feels compared to the elegant simplicity of Nana. In Nana the poetic craft is invisible as the lines do what they are intended to do to the reader. Here one is immediately conscious of the formation of the lines rather than the meaning of the words. The language, too, seems to have slipped into an Elizabethan cadence adding to the sense of artifact and the effect is quite cold compared to the warmth of Nana.<br><br>
The words speak of a nurturing and gentle love but the form fails to convey that for me. I could not help the unkind thought that surfaced as I was reading: "Shakespeare perfected this form. Why bother trying to compete with something that is already consummated.<br><br>
The skill of shaping form is very evident (you are highly skilled), but somewhere the soul of the poem was wounded by the skill that grew out of it's proper place.<br><br>
Expressions like "sweet peace," "sweet anticipation" and "It's not one door closes but another opens" destroy the delicate mood that struggles to assert itself simply because the expressions, though they fit the form, have the feel of clichés.<br><br>
I enjoy the circumstances the poem describes in spite of what I criticize and my curiosity craves a clearer view of this loving woman comforting her wounded friend. <br><br>
twelveooneover 16 years agowhat are you dooing with this? It looks like an overblown sonnet with Hallmark sentiments. Trim it, a little more edge and/or more fun. If any one can do it, you can. Quit trying to write "poetry".
UnderYourSpellover 16 years agoI feel you are talking to someone you care for very deeply and that you are there for them .... what more can anyone ask for
LeBrozover 16 years agoAptly titled piece with a new bubbly. And aptly titled too, considering the expressions of hope and promise written of here. This poetic prose seems to be working well here; I feel an undercurrent of rebirth in the way it's written. Well done.
