- Erotic Poetry
- Reclining Nude Remix
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In Soho's summer afternoon steam
with a cloudburst that can barely relieve
we set the table for Cornish cream tea.
Tonight, my Dear, Dom Perignon,
what's left of the scone and clotted cream,
before I slip off my organza gown
to recline on red satin sheets
whilst you, my Modigliani
whose stroke jounces me ever so slowly,
paint your canvas inside of me.
- COMMENTS
EllenMoreover 5 years agoBut look at the structure: the rhyme pattern (aaa baba aaa, some slant), the rhythmic structure (four and three stress lines, accentual rather than accentual syllabic), the use of alliteration (look at all the "S" sounds in the first stanza), the odd use of "whilst" (British English, at least in my experience).
I might object to "jounces" instead of a more painterly verb, and the last line seems a little too clinical (perhaps it is my age, but it brings to mind Masters and Johnson's "optically correct penis" camera). I think that is a minor fault, though.
And you've left off the accent acute on "Pérignon."
But this is a poem that is not only way, way better than the usual Literotica offering, it IS a poem.
Five stars, of course. Ben fatto!
JonasRobinsonover 5 years agoVery enchanting and with a ravishing feel to it. I felt springs of purity fall through my nerves.
