- Non-Erotic Poetry
- red bricks
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there were red bricks along the way
my glances averted but trails remained
persistent reminders blurring this phase
of my emotional landscape
there is edging to be done near the walkway
chips of shoulders and brick in bits-
repairs will take substantially longer
than just one day
- COMMENTS
twelveoonealmost 10 years agobut a suggestion (consider)
Invert the two three line stanzas
this will be at the bottom - what do you think? too leading?
persistent reminders blurring this phase
of my emotional landscape
stanzas are like bricks, sometimes you got to shuffle them around.
Neonuroticover 10 years agoI agree with Ange here. I like the compact neatness of this poem, it speaks volumes. Very nice.
GuiltyPleasureover 10 years ago...and simple. Would and "S" added to brick in L6 be too many? I like the sibilence but that's just me. Loved it, of course.
HarryHillover 10 years agoA poem of growth. Here's some marbles to go along with the bricks. very nice.
Angelineover 10 years agodon't they? Your writing is nicely pared down and to the point. A beautiful sustained metaphor to me.
