- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Reiner
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LEMONIA (F)LEAP EDELTRAUD => BIG SOUTH WEATHER no.3 =>> RENAULT MEGANE
CAFÉ BOCCA
EVENING
16/3/2013
REINER
Reiner still remembers us quite well,
He says, "How is your German pretty girl?"
I say to him, we're split but we stayed friends,
We have a son and thus we make amends.
Our case is a common trivial case,
Although it distorts sometimes my face,
So many Greeks in love with German girls,
Statistics to confuse our brain cells.
So many children born without a dad,
That was your own decision and was mad,
That madness, ever since, you call your life,
Of course you can blame me for any strife.
Reiner gives me the keys and says "goodnight",
Old German fox he is, with clear sight,
He sees a man unhappy in his trip,
Clumsily trying appearances to keep.
- COMMENTS
UnderYourSpellalmost 10 years agoI agree quite a few forced rhymes although some would sound better if words were changed around i.e' Although it sometimes distorts my face', and 'He says, "How is your pretty German girl?". If I think I am putting in a forced rhyme I ask myself "Do people really talk like that?" and if the answer is no then I won't use it.
All that said the narration idea is good just needs some fine tuning!
tazz317almost 10 years agostill attract the genre where ever they are , TK U MLJ LV NV
twelveoonealmost 10 years agoblame me for any strife.
admission to prejudice - don't like rhyming coups - but still sounds strained, word choice comes across as too strident, giving the feel of forced rhyme.
Cleardaynowalmost 10 years agoI think this is lovely. The eliptic story telling gives so much more of a punch.
