Resurrectionist

So I claw my way
Out of dirt and rock,
Out of the grave,
Shove the tombstone aside
And shatter the epitaph
Because it is not time yet.

I cannot stay here with you,
Beloved, though I leave
What of myself was always yours
To bring to heaven's gate:
Proof of life. Proof of love.

I have paid the boatman.
I've put your favorite candy
In your hands before pushing you
Into that raging pyre.
I'd never deny you
That journey's treat,
Not when your vessel is fire.

I've lain with you,
Still and silent.
I screamed for you
And wept and swallowed
More than my tithe of ashes.

My climb back up
To the light, the living,
The world bereft of you—
It is a hard journey
That may take the rest
Of what time I've left.

It is best I embark now
Before I find I cannot leave you,
That I've sealed myself
In this drear mourning.

So I kiss your eyes,
Place upon them Charon's due.
You cross the Styx ahead,
This cold black river
I cannot yet assay.

I have to go.
But I'll carry
All your care packages:
The love, the words,
The photos and the vids.
I bring the hugs, the smiles,
The Papa Bear recipes back to our kids.
I'll parcel out your bequests
To family, friends, the cats you loved.

I know you miss me,
So I leave broken bits
Of shiny tears strewn
To light your path
To the Skyworld.
What the hell else
Is crying good for?

I'd never leave you wanting.
I'd never leave you.
But this is no place for me,
What with my heart still beating
As if you'd come home, carelessly
Drop your bag and chatter excitedly
About the newsy day you had.
This silence now must be
As hard for you as it is for me.

Hard scrabble is just that:
Breaking through the packed dirt clods,
The stubborn rocks above.
But if I must break nails and skin,
Then so be it, let me begin.

I must make for the surface
While I yet draw breath,
While my strength holds.

Here's why I leave you now:
I live to keep you alive
With my words
With the songs thrumming
Through every vein
That stands out in this
Mighty effort to make it out
That I may sing your songs
And carry your light into the day.

When my time comes,
I promise you,
I will come to sleep cradled
In you once more.

One more look,
My dearling, one more look
Before I ascend.

Good night, Pharoah Orion.
Until the Gathering.
Until we are, again,
As One.