Ripe Pears

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70 words
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are nothing like your breasts. They
are just weight, dragging down the limbs
of the tree, burdening
its branches with gravity. The tree
does not embrace them, loosing
those less likely to reproduce
as if casting away chaff. But you,
however much you sayI sink, I sag
are Eve in the Garden, when Adam first
ate the fruit that opened his eyes.
No wonderspecies was there introduced.

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5 Comments
GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasureover 10 years ago
Nothing.....

...to add to what's been said already, just to say I was here and voted.

OpenFieldOpenFieldover 10 years agoAuthor
Thank you for your comments.

You are correct that "garvity" is a transposition error. However, "loosing," while it may be a poor choice of word, is spelled correctly. The word means to set free or release something. The intent was to make the tree appear to be actively dropping pears (to parallel the casting of chaff). "Losing" seems more passive to me. Perhaps, as I said, a questionable choice, but a deliberate one.

AngelineAngelineover 10 years ago
Agree with others

this is a beautiful, sensual poem that needs to have the spelling errors fixed. You can resubmit it with corrections and you won't lose votes or comments. Wonderful read. :-)

NeonuroticNeonuroticover 10 years ago
Very smooth

There are some tasty lines here, which should have the woman this poem is addressed to swoon. I agree with UnderYourSpell, fix the spelling errors and to this poem would be perfect to me.

UnderYourSpellUnderYourSpellover 10 years ago
~

The spelling mistakes detract from what could be an interesting poem. Line 4 Gravity line 5 Losing. Perhaps 'Unleashed' would have been a better end word