- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Road Man
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Click hereLonely road man with a sick wife
Wanted a little bit more out of his life.
Wrote to me in need of a friend,
Searching for comfort just 'round the next bend.
He traveled the roads
checked in when he could.
Sharing his life
as he thought he should.
He tells me his fantasies
seeks nothing in return.
I tell him I'm not for real
but he'll never learn.
I'm a fantasy lover to another.
Doesn't know my real name.
He's never seen me in person.
Doesn't matter. We're all the same.
Lonely road man with a sick wife.
Be proud of yourself, your reality, your life.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 17 years agoRhyme works for soft romantic pieces. This is one where you'd want a harder edge. With the rhyme structure you have in place, it's like you're mocking yourself. The image is there, you just need give it a sharper focus/edge.
WickedEveabout 17 years agoNormally, I wouldn't find this sort of rhyming poem interesting, but this one is. You have good material to work with. Though, you do need to get rid of the rhyme.
darkerdreamerabout 17 years agois very epic. You are letting people in on a pretty powerful scene, I think it might have had more resonance if you "free-versed" this (just writing it down any way it spilled out), it would seem much more from the heart. At times your rhyme seems stretched to make it work, other times it works almost flawlessly. I think it worked very well in:
"He traveled the roads
checked in when he could.
Sharing his life
as he thought he should."
These are all just the opinions of an untalented writer, keep that pen flowing I like what it writes. -2d
unapologeticabout 17 years agoYour rhyme scheme is pretty muddled, and the rhyme feels forced at times. The topic, though, is extremely interesting. I'd love to see it addressed in free verse, a form which might suit your subject better.
