- Erotic Poetry
- Room Twelve
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Click hereSomeone else will be in our room tonight.
Will they see the flicker of the candle light?
Will they sense the promise of the night
And the red wine perfume stealing through the air?
Will strains of music reach their unexpecting ear?
A dim echo of when you and I were near.
Will there be any essence of the tear
Of ecstasy I shed while thrilling to your touch?
As they remove their shirt and put it down
Will they catch a glimpse of silken gown
Discarded on the floor; and will they frown
And wonder at their wild imagination?
When lying underneath the crisp white sheet
Will they perceive our bodies, and their heat
And twining limbs, and clench of hands, and feet
Flailing uncontrolled as passion builds?
And as they fall into a fitful sleep,
Will their dreams be filled with passion deep
Or will they toss, and turn, and weep
For lonely souls apart from those they love?
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 11 years agoyour reply, saves me the time
i 5ed, with the same old complaint, but it nice to see someone trying
piece of advice, if writing poetry avoid the word "Passion" like the plague, it tends to lend itself to "passion builds", or worse "passion deep", which is also inverted syntax. Your job is to create passion, not name it.
Scrubberabout 11 years agoAuthorThanks for your very kind comments.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/steal
See meaning 2 for the intransitive verb re "stealing"
erectus123about 11 years ago"stealing through the air?" With all respect, I think you have the wrong word here, you mean "wafting" i.e an oder carried in/on the air, stealing means theft; however if one concedes that you are using "stealing" as an intransitive verb you might have an argument for its correctness; however a brief thesaurus search does not reveal that expression to exist, well, now it does!
Last line is very nice although I am still not certain of its meaning, I assume you are saying the one/ones who will occupy your room will dream of passion or think of lonely souls that they do not love-kick me if I got it wrong, the line still rings nicely!
Quivering_Quillabout 11 years agoI enjoyed your premise and journey into Room 12. The poem is pretty damn good, but there are places that it skips and wanders. All in all, I enjoyed your creativity. Thanks for sharing.
