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Click hereRoses in Hospital
As he lay there in green
IV lines drip saline
and glucose through his veins
where they’d dripped before
giving hope to a man aged
by pain. The nurse in white
draped tinsel on his nametag
and antiseptic
scented the air, knotted
with garden roses
that stood in a lone jar
on a body-wide window ledge.
Dust-smeared panes
overlooked the ward,
the concrete car park
and the road he will travel tomorrow.
His drugged eyes
held mine for a time
while memories swam
between thermometer
and undertaking.
This was a nice read, showed nice separation between writer and words with subject matter that a weaker poet would drool sentimental over.
I definately agree with the previous comment...('in white' is redundant and must be removed), but do not at all agree that the linebreaks were distracting. I think they are fine, and your linebreaks in general lately have begun to display a more sophisticated feel for your material. They are not random, for the most part, as they used to be.
The break in your stanza's is distracting but your imagery is wonderful, with some editing this could be a strong piece.
~Sabina
mostly because I just got home from the hospital <grin> nice write wild~