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Click hereDavid and Amanda, vying
For the one cab cruising Main,
Enter at both doors, each sighing
With relief, out of the rain.
Recognition. Some forced smiling.
God, to meet her (him), today!
Entering both doors (each sighing
With relief out of the rain),
Each confronts a Love undying
Which was stillborn just the same.
Recognition and forced smiling.
This is neither's lucky day.
Each confronts a Love undying,
One which died under great strain.
You look great! he says. He's lying.
Actually, he thinks her plain.
Recognition forces smiling—
Etiquette is so cliché.
She says,So do you, relying
On that ego she disdained,
Leaves at Fifth and nods, denying
Him a kiss. He meets his train.
Recognition: Forced, unsmiling,
Meted out in disarray.
I wanted to write in poet guy voice on this comment because you always make me smile. Hmm, okay maybe the next one cuz I am sleepy. I am not much of a form junky, but did like the thoughts in this poem--the worded interplay of situation brought on by circumstance. Nice.
why do I fell this is an absurd exercise? With you saying what you say about voting, and with whatever else I have to say you are not going to pay attention to
a 5
It's a well written poem but for me it isn't working, though that could simply be my prejudice against form (which in some situations is hypocritical). I think I get the feeling at times you have chosen some words simply to fit the rhythm, which is what form is about I suppose so I guess I'm saying it feels forced at times. Maybe I'm being unfair.
loved the write
the dryness that comes across, for me, enhances the sense of the two of them hiding behind the ritual of etiquette. the brackets and italics, on the otherhand, reveal the more honest and emotional undercurrents.
had no problems with this one's 'flow' - it ticked along very nicely to my ear.