Runnin' from the Demons

Man
I keep runnin’ from the demons
Not just those in my head but
In the outside world as well
So here I am
Up at night
Trying to write
To capture them on paper
By the faint pulse of my cigarette and what light spills through my tv
Sound spills from my tv hurricanes riots and
Political windbags blowing in one ear and out the other
Dust the cobwebs from my brain
And my mom asks if I still hear voices
Asks me if I still think I’m Jesus
Well how am I supposed to know
Hell I knew more when I was twenty-five
More sure of myself at eighteen
Now I’m just muddled and befuddled
Old over washed and thread-bare
Too many things goin’ on
Too many things to keep track of
Now I just shuffle out to the mailbox
Take in the bills
Bills for stuff I never even see and
These bills join the countless other demons that
Haunt my yuppified existence
So I guess I can say hell yes I hear voices and some of ‘em are screamin’
Hey where’s the check buddy

Anyway
There are times
When I’m watching my kids in the yard
Playing free and innocent
That I think how unfair it all is
You know what I’m talking about
By the time we’re old enough to
Realize how precious life is
How unique and colorful each moment should and could be
We’re too busy to enjoy it
Too busy to have fun
Except for the people on my tv
All the beautiful people are still havin’ fun
Thin sleek style masters romp and play
While eating shi-shi food and drinking light beer
These people never over consume and puke on their well-pressed good looks
Not like me
Had to stop partying
That’s what the doctor told me
Perhaps too much hullabaloo in my youth
He added I should feel lucky just being here
So now I stay at home
Eating macaroni and cheese with tater-tots on the side
Annoy my wife by renting stupid science fiction videos
Stay up at night
Scribbling meaningless lines and squiggles in blue or black on clean white paper
By the jumpy glow of my tv
Soft light of my cigarette
Driven to do these things by the creatures that haunt me
I give in to their urgings and they give me rewards
Like the other day
While shaving
Turning my head from side to side I saw
Hair
Growing outta’ my ears like I’m some old man
And then I looked closer and saw
I was getting older
No more young hunter out stalking prey
Running the hounds
Pulling the scam
Up two nights for every one spent sleeping
No more two-week parties
‘Cause hell my stomachs gone bad
I can only eat bland food and
The doctor told me I had to give up alcohol and caffeine
I can’t get out of bed without caffeine
And he also told me to quit smoking and maybe take up walking
But my joints swell and creak if I walk too much and
Ya’ know I forget a lot of things
A lot of little things
Which might be old age or it might be the pot
And all in all I’m feeling pretty well thrashed out
Physically
I mean
Pretty damn old so
I guess I can say
In all honesty mom
That I don’t think I’m Jesus
‘Cause Jesus never felt this old
I’ll bet his doctor never told him to quit drinkin’ wine
But he obviously had demons of his own
So some times I wonder if Jesus heard voices

Now what made me say that
It’s the kind of thing that scares away the neighbors
Worry’s my co-workers
Makes me look foolish to friends
Crazy to strangers
But I’m not
I’m just like every one else
Except I’m not afraid to discuss the stuff
That confuses me and
With demons of fear and guilt
Obsession and addiction
Unpaid bills and undone housework
I don’t need a demon of worryin’ about my peers
A demon of hateful neighbors
I just need sleep
Like I said I’m tired and I just can’t push it like I used to
Even though I try
Stay up too long
In front of the tv cigarette in one hand I
Run my pen across the page
Trapping this demon or that on paper
Frozen forever in ink
So that for a while
I can get some rest
And stop this running in my head.