Saint Nick... Pervert?

I wonder what an odd pervert is this man, Saint Nick,
for He knows when you've been bad or good, teasing little prick.
It would suggest He's a dominant, able to reward or punish at will,
and a voyer at that, adept at watching without being noticed, quite a skill.
He might be gay, as it is rumored that He lives with a cadre of men,
and although it's rumored He has a wife, no one has seen her since back when.
He obviously a fetishist, with a number of picadillo's,
it would seem He really likes little men and their holes.
Then again, He might be a pedophile, as He has nutured great appeal,
to girls and boys, who crave for his visits a great deal.
He's obviously involved in illegal cloning at His north pole home,
for it's painfully obvious that He's at each mall from Miami to Nome.
And personally, I suspect the red outfit is just marketing hype and misdirection,
he probably slips into the chimney dressed in black to hide His erection.
There are also rumors of usage of a custom designer drug, but no bust,
something akin to horse tranquilizers or rupees, called faery dust.