Scream

Scream

I was eight when he stole from me
Robbed me of my innocence and my youth
“Shhhh, out secret,” he whispered
Hugging me tightly
“I want to show you that you’re my favorite
And I love you more than the others.”
His breathe, smelling so candy sweet, on my neck
As I stand there and shiver with dread.
I don’t know what he means
But somehow it doesn’t feel right
“I gotta go,” I try to turn away
“Mommy’s calling me; maybe we can play some other day.”
I don’t hear a thing. You wouldn’t be lying to me?”
Grabbing me, he pulls me to him, my small back against his large chest.
Lifting my dress, my favorite with pale pink paisleys, to my waist
Shaking my head, I struggle, “Please, please, please…..”
“Please what, baby?” he whispers as his fingers invade me.
Tears rolling down my cheeks
Passive now and his fingers move in and out
It hurts so much, but I don’t make a sound.
“Our little secret. If you tell Mommy, I’ll have3 to tell her how good you were and how much you enjoyed it.”
Shaking my head in denial as my back hits the bed
He’s over me, blocking all the light
Tearing me, I scream out in pain and fright.
It lasts forever it seems
My throat raw from the screams
My eyes red from crying
In and out, in and out, then he collapses on top of me
Afraid to move, afraid to breathe
I begin to pray for help, for his death, for mine.
Rolling off of me, he pushes me off the bed
In a heap I fall, bruising hands and knees
Slowly I dress, afraid to make a sound
And I watch as my granddaddy falls asleep.
It happened only once, but that was enough
Nightmares fill my dreams at night
Screams tear through my body at dawn
I was twelve when he died
And I must admit I cried
Not for him, not for me, but for the eight year old
Who never saw nine.