Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereI see myself in colors
sometimes red, sometimes blue.
I see myself in masquerade
every moment I’m with you.
I see myself in fairy tales
glass slippers and the ball
I see myself in love sometimes,
but I have no one at all.
I see myself in daydreams
in love, a love to keep.
I see these dreams throughout my day
because I forget them in my sleep.
I see myself here gazing
underneath the stars.
I see my perfect picture
I want to share and make it ours.
I see what chance and circumstance
and lack of love has done.
I see my barren heart is dry
and looking for some fun.
So I see my life in colors,
sometimes green and sometimes gold,
I see your life in layers,
one for each story you’ve told.
I see a mind that’s cluttered
and two eyes that never wept.
I see a heart that’s tortured with dark
where dangerous secrets are often kept.
I see your soul and know its depth
before its even told.
I see the life you dream of
in red, blue, green and gold.
I see I could wait eternity
for you to share your world.
I see that when you do (my dream's come true)
and I will be your girl.
I see the colors flashing
orange and pink across the sky
I see a bright electric future
in the morning for you and I.
- COMMENTS
YDDabout 20 years agoAs mentioned,
stanzas would improve the read
and allow you to easier catch the places where the meter falters.
edit:
"before its even told" - should be "it's".
Lauren Hyndeabout 20 years agoI think I prefer this over your 'When We Are Together'. It has a certain musicality to it, very clearly patent on the first quarter of the poem.
The rhyme and especially the meter slip up here and there (try reading it out loud and you'll see), and there are a few verses that just don't fit with the poem, as far as content goes, namely the ones about your 'dry barren heart' and 'two eyes that never wept'.
The ending is the most subtle and better accomplished part:
"I see the colors flashing
orange and pink across the sky
I see a bright electric future
in the morning for you and I."
You should try to break your poems in stanzas. Would make them easier to read and also easier to write, you'll find.
