Seeking

I wish the reflection in your eyes were true.
I want to be the person that you see
and tell me you fell in love with.
I want to know him,
to feel him, if only for a moment.

But it is difficult to catch my ghost.
I cannot capture the shadows that
fall from the sunlight of your smile
Though I try, blindly--
at least, to remember

Desperately fumbling through worn out
selves long discarded. Looking for a clue
to a part of me that could still feel all
that you stir so deep. So deep to be
truth. So deep to be an echo.

And my tears warn of darker wells
well scarred, dug, dark and choking
that hide from hope because it
feels too good to be trusted. Too good
to be deserved and held.

Torn between faith and reflex
Wanting to reach out to you and feel
the passion, the pain, the unknown.
Wanting to curl up and hide. To lick
old wounds in rhythm to dead drums

Always there is the return
to the warm arms of futility and despair
to knowing there is no love strong
enough to reach my retreat
never having to risk hurting more than I know

So what is it in my lack of faith. In
my blindness to my own self that is unable
to resist you. Unable to run away from hope
You make me want to believe. You make me
want to risk it all- for just a chance at us.