- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Sentinel Weathercock
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Click hereSentinel Weathercock
He presides over the landscape,
Standing watch through the winter's night.
Measures the season's time by degrees,
Pointing out to all the winds of change.
As the snow lies mute, to the emotion
That causes the icicles to cry
Winter eases its grip for a day
The sun shines in false promise
No green shows in evidence of love,
That lies buried, and deep in slumber.
Yield not to this false hope, spring is distant,
Waiting in the wings of Mother Nature's stage.
Fear not the cold North wind's message
For the sentinel weathercock understands.
He whispers in the Oaks ear it's not time yet,
Sleep now; rest your limbs awhile longer.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10about 13 years agoEdit vigorously. Every word should lift its weight was something I was told long ago and its a good en. I think you have talent and will get there.
theognisabout 13 years agoI agree with the first two commenters that there's some good stuff in your poem, so I'm giving you a five, but it appears the spacing monster got you, like it did with my submission. Suggest submitting edited version with single spacing. I won't make any other suggestions, except for adding an apostrophe where noted below:
He presides over the landscape,
Standing watch through the winter's night.
Measures the season's time by degrees,
Pointing out to all the winds of change.
As the snow lies mute, to the emotion
That causes the icicles to cry
Winter eases its grip for a day
The sun shines in false promise
No green shows in evidence of love,
That lies buried, and deep in slumber.
Yield not to this false hope, spring is distant,
Waiting in the wings of Mother Nature's stage.
Fear not the cold North wind's message
For the sentinel weathercock understands.
He whispers in the Oak's ear it's not time yet,
Sleep now; rest your limbs awhile longer.
Angelineabout 13 years agobut it also has cliche and telling and stuff that drags the poem down. Editing/rewriting could make it much better. You have talent, a way with words.
