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Click hereI stumble along streets,
Bathed in the Sodium glow of streetlights,
Weak at the knees and drunk,
But not from the liquid nectar, water of life.
Intoxicated on the vacuous vapours,
Of her well worn charms.
Soiled clothes cling,
Moist with the sweat of my bitten and bruised torso,
I catch the taste of blood in my mouth,
And a rush of degradation tinged with satisfaction.
The blend and balance of my acts,
Sculpted by her guiding hands.
My pace is slowed,
By the cigarette burn on the heel of my foot,
No pleasure in the pain,
But a welcoming and warming comfort.
The scorch a reminder,
Of when I was so young and vestal.
How long since,
I was last alive and breathing,
How long since,
I shed a tear or cracked a smile,
How long till,
I’ll be animate and feeling,
With my head down, and my eyes closed,
And my throat wide open.
Until I come full circle,
Do unto others,
What has been done to me,
And do unto you now,
What has been done to me.
I agree about the end of line commas. The end of a poetic line is normally a pause in itself (but not always).
I like this poem, but I am pushed away a little by the intermixing of the overly common and the infrequently used words. They don't blend for me; rather they clash in my ear.
your poem was mentioned on the thread
'NEW POEMS REVIEWS'
Thanks for the Journey~
prowls like an animal. I really like the second stanza. It feels very sexy.
some nice lines in here (I will come back for detail) I just wanted to say that I found there to be many more commas than needed, it really made me pause when a pause was not needed. I will come back with comma blinders and read it again because it is well worth a second trip.