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oneiria
oneiria
120 Followers

His shadow
     19 feet of jagged

lightning on the stairs,
     blacker than their eyes and souls,

the risen sun
     redder than their still-beating hearts.

oneiria
oneiria
120 Followers
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5 Comments
greenmountaineergreenmountaineerover 11 years ago

Frightening, although I would have omitted "their" in the last line (faster tempo like a bullet).

Ashesh9Ashesh9over 11 years ago
Tazz :--

How do you spell Lightning ???

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
HOW DOES ONE MEASURE LIGHTENING

or describe a soul, TK U MLJ LV NV

twelveoonetwelveooneover 11 years ago
5ed

blacker than their eyes and souls,

you have a problem here, it does sound bad (the ominous panda effect), i was going to suggest darker (which isn't quite as bad) but i see what you are doing with red

demure101demure101over 11 years ago
Very effective

This does succeed in making my hair stand on end!