- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Shooter
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His shadow
19 feet of jagged
lightning on the stairs,
blacker than their eyes and souls,
the risen sun
redder than their still-beating hearts.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerover 11 years agoFrightening, although I would have omitted "their" in the last line (faster tempo like a bullet).
twelveooneover 11 years agoblacker than their eyes and souls,
you have a problem here, it does sound bad (the ominous panda effect), i was going to suggest darker (which isn't quite as bad) but i see what you are doing with red
