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Click here “…the clatter of silence on silence."
from Still
by Wislawa Szymborska
Spoken in the hushed quiet
gasps of steam escaping
through the wire barbs
the cold cracks to the heel
of goose-step polished boots.
Voices hang in the names
words forgotten in whispers
in the standing warmth, the dark stench
the dying ride on frozen steel
bloodstained boxcars line the terminal.
Sobbing stained faces, tainted
white in tears, long lines
footpaths in the freezing slush
a plodding march through the gates
or the shorter walk to an iron fire.
Silence falls in light flurries
the cooling snowflakes of dead
gray folded cutouts – miniatures
man, woman, the children, so many
night the oily, fetid sky.
Echoes in the empty cars
the brute force of the whistle
the black, broiling engine smoke
clouds frozen, solitary shadows—
only the living fear the tacit snow.
..I love your poems but this one fails for me, not because of the use words or the structure of the poem but because for me it fails on an emotional level. It seems full of surface description which would normally be fine but this subject needs soul and for me you fail to get under the skin.
That being said it's a brave attempt at a very difficult subject.
b'brig
This has a fresh feel to it conjuring up old horrors. vivid, evocotive.
Tess
this is burdened with emotions, but not with words. Tight, visual, clean. Terror. Good piece