Sinking

I’m sitting alone again
Staring up at the stars
From the thawing ground

The sky is the same shade
Of blue tonight as the car
You used to drive

The stasis of my breath
Does nothing to slow
The throbbing of my heart

I can still feel your
Hand in mine
Your lips on my neck
Your fingers in my hair

With each unpassing minute
I contemplate every
Lie you told me

You didn’t even
Blink so many times

And where are you now?
Hiding from the future
By dining with the past

Holding on to nothing
She doesn’t need you
The way you need her

She’s in love with
Your love [for her]
Your need [for her]
Your want [for her]
She’s not in love with
You [not for you]

Every vapor I exhale
Belongs to you
What more can you ask of me?

I’ve bled for you
Shed tears for you
Shall I die just the same?

Don’t ask that of me
I beg you
I do not wish to lie cold
For a lie so cold
Then again, I am one for irony

If nothing else
I wish you to relinquish
Your power over me
Your hold on me
Untangle your hands from my heart
Let me breathe freely
Let my bruises fade
Let my cuts scar

I cannot let go
My life is an
Emotional nightmare

I cling to the pain
Because you
Are the only cure
For my self-loathing

I’m a narcissist
In recovery
And you are my cocaine