- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Snail Tale II
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Click hereOn an early summer walk
My foot came down on a snail
I winced at the telling crunch
And went thoughtfully on my way
To see if the cherries were ripe
It was just pure coincidence
That placed him there that morning
He couldn't, could never conceive
Of a human foot heading his way
His impending death never crossed
What little mind he had
The cherries still need a few days,
The apples are forming up nicely
Some folks say they can see God
In cherries or apples just forming
I can't, although I have tried
My fingers were combing the grass
For sweet tiny wild strawberries
A cloud shadow quickly came on me
Which gave me an awful start
And I had to resist looking up
(I had to, just had to do this one over - OB)
- COMMENTS
Cleardaynowalmost 10 years agoI am very glad you both edited the original and submitted this. It is a bit hard to stand back and see how it must look to someone who has not seen the original – and the discussions that followed. I am impressed that essentially you cut out rather than adding. The removal of the 2nd and 3rd verses was right. You now have captured the essence of what you felt and wanted to express simply and elegantly and it is a very fine piece of writing.
Trixareforkidsalmost 10 years agoI liked the original but this is much cleaner and smoother in the telling. Great edit.
