- Non-Erotic Poetry
- So Beautiful, So New
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Click hereSo easily he vanished like dust in the wind
Having been blown from the palm of my hand
He once resembled the rose I held
I wonder where the remains will land
You gently kiss my tears away
Before they form in my eyes
A new awakening shines before me
And the rose of the past quickly dies.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 18 years agoJust to add a bit to the thoughts shared by sack;
That last line might sound "better" like this:
"As the rose of the past fades and dies."
Just a thought - take it for what it's worth.
sackover 18 years agoinstead of "and" you might want to try "as". And write the entire poem without thr rhymes as an exercise...you may find it is so powerful it doesn't need them!
