- Erotic Poetry
- So Coeld
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Click here"SO COELD" BYE:LEON.K
Your cold fingers touch me.
They wipe away my tears
I thought you’d love me, but there’s nothing but tears.
I’m searching your face trying to find a mining.
Counting the stars, feeling your breath on my skin.
Slowly we make love under the moon light.
Touch me, kiss me, your torturing me.
I’m gasping from you. Every breath I take is only wasted on you.
Touching my lips saying you love me. Is it all a lie? Getting caught in the closet of a meaningful dream.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 17 years agoWelcome to Lit
This first piece shows some promise
But it also reveals the need for some careful editing:
"trying to find a mining." I'd guess ought to read
"trying to find a meaning."
or
"your torturing me." probably would read
"you're torturing me." (the contraction for you are).
But that last line is the best in the piece, showing real promise:
"Getting caught in the closet of a meaningful dream."
Good luck.
