So Hard

I lied
I lied
       So hard.
I told you I didn't love you.

I cried.
I cried
         So hard.
When I realized how
Expendable that I was.
Replaceable.

You fucked me so hard
       When I was under you.
I thought your cock would
break me
Chafe me
Leave calluses in my glorious hole.

Goddamn you
For the day you blessed me
With cunnilingus so long
I thought I was lost in the
Woods with Pan.

Never was my feminine
Worshipped in such ways.  

So what if I loved you?
So fucking what?
Why am I so unlovable that
I am never to be worshipped again?
...please do not tell me...

It will only hurt.
I can take the bite of your teeth
But I cannot take the bite of a broken heart.
It's deep emotional pain
Searing through my chest
My arms and neck bones.

Oh, bones...
Oh, skin...
        Sensations numbed by too
        much sadness.

How can anyone get off on self-flagellation?

I can't handle me , but sometimes,  I find someone
Who can handle me.

It's gorgeous.

But, No! Enough!
I have lost before I've begun.
All the words,
All the tears,
All the waiting,
Aggravating...all for none?

I wish those calluses
Could climb up and over and around my heart.  

Fuck.