- Erotic Poetry
- Song of Sweet Berit
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereI heard him sing his song of Sweet Berit,
a long and sad lamentation carried
so mournful on the cold night air.
I found him on the rocky beach,
hands open to the offshore wind, calling the sirens,
pleading for the return of Sweet Berit,
like Orpheus crying for his lost bride.
His grieving sliced the night and filled my ears
with tales of gentle heart and tender love,
her warm kisses and soft arms 'round his neck,
lost forever to the swells of the storm,
till I too, was in love with Sweet Berit.
- COMMENTS
PoetGuyover 13 years agowhich Poet Guy means as compliment, not criticism--the poem seems to have a kind of bardic quality. Poet Guy agrees with twelveoone's point about the Orpheus line, but also would alter the reference to the "sirens," both because sirens are Greek myth and Berit implies a Nordic mythos, and because the sirens called to sailors, not the other way around. Perhaps having him call to the Nornir (who are sort of the Norse equivalent of the Fates) would be better.
Good poem.
Angelineover 13 years agoWhat a beautiful piece of writing Bronz. There's a lilting lyrical quality and a nice light touch that keeps this poem sweet and evocative but not over the top sweet, which is very good. My one picky thing is "cold night air" which is clear but not terribly poetic, sorta verges on cliche. I think there's a more poetic way to say that, but just my opinion. :-) Overall, a really enjoyable read.
twelveooneover 13 years agoFirst four lines - strong; Last two - cajun? Poignant. The middle seems muddled. I'm not sure I like this simile line in this poem. (Politely saying -I don't)
like Orpheus crying for his lost bride.
With what you are trying to do, it will say it without the comparison.
