Songs I Was Too Drunk To Finish

Medley Of Songs I Was Too Drunk To Finish Writing

Alcoholic Synonymous ~/~ I Got Ninety-Nine Problems But You Ain't A Single One ~/~ Here's To The Lies


Welcome to Alcoholic Synonymous

You'll always be in good company
When you become one of us

We don't discriminate
Based on any method
You use to self medicate

Just remember to adhere to our Three Step Program

Step One
Is ignoring that you're sick
Step Two
Makes no difference whatsoever
The poison that you pick
Step Three
Repeat Steps One and Two
As often as you like
Whatever does the trick
It's entirely up to you

If there's a will
There's a way
To make your worries and concerns
Go away

My excuse for living
Is to drink another day

I got ninety-nine problems
But you ain't a single one
Ever since I discovered
My life without you
Was a helluva lot more fun

Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of focus
Out of frame

Saturday nights you'll find me here
Playing a drinking game

The goal is not just about putting
Lightweights around me to shame

I drink
Therefore I am

And tonight I am
Determined to forget her name

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall
Cell phone turned off
Not taking anyone's call

Tired of the endless drama
This chronic need to blame me
For everything in her life going all kinds of wrong

I've already worn out the soles of my shoes
Dancing to that overplayed jukebox song

What does it take
To be a blatant hypocrite?
One part twit
Two parts
Unevolved idiot
Never shaken
Always stirring up shit
Pathological liar
That never can quit
When she's behind
Well, drinks are on me
This time around
And I think that I'll be kind
Mister, would you please
Pour a round for the little lying bitch
At the end of the bar

'Cause there's no end to the joy
That it brings me to hear her
Unsubstantiated accusations from afar
What she's incapable of proving
That in the end
She gets herself caught in the act of doing
It's the lifelong lesson
She's never learned thus far
I don't foresee her learning it anytime soon
Even now
Ankle deep
Like water
Bullshit fills the room

There's not much more about her to tell
That through her incriminations
She doesn't already confess
If anything
Everything can be attributed to
A leak in the plumbing of her subconscious
I'd suggest you hike up your fancy dress
'Cause the hem of your latest Fruedian slip
Is bound to become a dirty mess
But this would only encourage
Having my name dragged through the mud
So why even bother?

I'll just take comfort in the old saying
Inherited from my father

You're a broad with a paper asshole

So, cheers to you
I raise my glass
Half empty as it is
It's half full
Here's to the lies
Coming back
To bite you in the ass

If there's anything
I'm willing to drink to
And drown myself in
That would certainly be it
Given enough time
This too shall pass

I got ninety-nine problems
But you ain't a single one
Alcoholic Synonymous helped me realize
My life without you was just beginning
I got ninety-nine problems
But you ain't a single one
Alcoholic Synonymous helped me realize
My life without you was far from done
And it's a game I'm winning

Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of focus
Out of frame

I drink
Therefore I am
And tonight I am
Determined to forget
Whats-her-fucking-name