- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Speaking in Tongues
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Click hereWhich language is today?
When the morning sun slants through the shade
(which never comes down smoothly
and will never go up all the way,
leaving the room in permanent semi-darkness)
I ask myself:
Where am I?
Then I know how to speak
and who to be.
The dichotomy is so sharp
I cannot even explain who I am
when I am the Other.
When I was young there was no division
but I have steadily worked
hard, harder, hardest
to become that which I hated.
But it is hardest to hate
those whose lives mirror your own.
Which is me?
The known, the limited,
(but comfortable and loved)
or am I the Other?
The Other with an unbounded horizon
and a love of things
and a wealth of people.
I can speak both tongues, I yearn
and dream in both.
If my voice rings clear today
with the power of the Other
then I only distance myself further
from the root of my being.
I have lived these years as two;
how long can I maintain
two languages, two lives, two loves?
I cannot be her
if I am the Other.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 19 years agoI find some interesting thoughts and some nice phrasing, but to me this could be just as easily be written in paragraphs as as the opening thoughts of an article or short story. Line breaks alone don't make poetry out of prose.
What makes the difference? I'm not sure I know how to explain except perhaps by example, and then I am being very presumptuous. But, for instance, I might have written your lines:
"But it is hardest to hate
those whose lives mirror your own."
as:
"It is hardest to hate
those who live in mirrors."
Not too much difference, but it leaves the reader something to think about, something not completely said in a declarative sentence.
Anyway, keep writing and especially reading poets whose work you like. Forget the negativity and glean the positive. - If you let bad reviews and rejection bother you, you will never be a real poet. ;) :rose: ;)
p.s. I don't use thermometers.
anonamousealmost 19 years ago"I GET WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO
BUT YOU JUST DIDN'T PULL IT
OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
what have we here, umpteenth exclamation points.
Since said nameless commenter did not elaborate on what you are trying to pull off, I can only conclude, you must have been successful, since I seem to hear an echo coming from said nameless commenter's head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A FIVE JUST FOR SPITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maria2394almost 19 years agoat times, in what we really want and what we have settled for in life. I understand what youre saying, but I agree with dcpoet, it could use a little tightening, and yeah, ignore meanines who type in CAPS and never leave any real advice...keep up the good work---maria
dcpoet44almost 19 years agohere is a 5 for your effort. the title is a nice working title. there is some good stuff in this. tightening it up will help it out. but, the comment that was left was not very tactful. if they had left you some constructive feedback it would have been way better than a lashing........just keep coming back.......don
Anonymousalmost 19 years agoDIDN'T LIKE THIS AT ALL,
I GET WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO
BUT YOU JUST DIDN'T PULL IT
OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
