Stagnate

I stand in my comfortable but boring home
wanting more.
The realization that married life is no happily ever after.
No where close.
How sad.

Constant arguments and being made to feel unworthy.
Neither person happy but not taking the steps to leave.
Tears more prevalent than smiles.
Aggravation instead of laughs.

I'm sure there's excitement out there
but no longer for me.
My time is up.

I make do with the love of kids who’ll eventually hate and then leave me.
How did this shit happen?
I deal with loveless sex every blue moon
and the more reliable help at my own hands. Wondering the whole time if anyone is really ever happy.
Knowing that they probably aren't.

My body has been awakened.
It wants for what all the stupid ass romance novels hock.
Not just that but even the spicier ones
where sex is rampant, wild
and sometimes comes with a bit of pain.

Online people who could be an answer
but more than likely are just as confused and unhappy as I am.
Scared to reach out for understanding.
After all the man I thought I'd always want is barely there for me.
Why would anyone else be?