stigmata

i crucify myself on the cross of my own insecurity
drive in the nails of fear and self hatred
i am a martyr
i am a martyr
and i project into your eyes the dislike i have for myself
the lack of love i have for myself
i project it into your eyes
and i crucify myself
because you hate me the way i do

but it was apparent how you felt about me
when you checked your watch every minute that we spent
you checked your watch
and your phone messages
to make sure you weren't missing something important
i am a martyr
i am a martyr
and i crucify myself
because i wanted you to love me the way i didn't
and you checked your watch
and acted like you were interested
in what i was saying
one eye on the door

i hang on this cross i made myself
i cut the trees down, i sanded the wood
and it's a comfortable place to hang
as crosses go
i would be a martyr
i would be a martyr
but you don't love me enough
to even be here to watch me go
i don't love me enough to keep me here
i plunge the nails in and smile
because i hate me as much as i've made you hate me
and i am alone on my cross
alone on my cross