Non-Erotic PoetryStream of ConsciousnessNote to self, lunch tomorrow, Susan, Harriet, 11:30, no dessert, A&P, hurry, hurry, meat or fish? Trader Joe's coffee beans, BJ's Wholesale fruits on sale, buy two pounds, get one free, funny name that BJ's is, home by three, soccer practice, Heather's done 5:00 o'clock, 5:15 she may have said, doesn't matter, chicken fingers, pot roast Harry, Heather needs permission slip, note for Kathy, sick today, class trip to the Met tomorrow, diorama France, I think, cavemen artists painting bulls, note to self, buy some paint, Heather's room, don't slight Kathy,
"Ooh Baby Baby
you feel so big"
have to turn the dryer on, pink, I think, they both like pink, Harry needs to lose some weight, time for news at eleven
Share the love
Similar stories
Report a Bug
Please Rate This Submission:
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
Ashesh9 favorited this poem!
- Recent
Comments - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
English
Female here
Get the fuck out of my head. ;)
Yes, you captured it well, the ADD days when it's all frenzy and too little time for thought and enjoyment. And ashamed to admit I've faked my share of "orgasms" in some misplaced need not to hurt feelings but not able to get over the stupid little shit.
Yep, you did great, 12's comment notwithstanding - perhaps not poetically speaking, but from a reality perspective. Embarrassingly so.more...
Worried
Very nice and telling idea indeed and I think the items on her list were excellent. As Oldbear says, I have no idea if this tallies with how they do think but it does seem credible with the emphasis on the pragmatic.
Really good to see a different form of poem from you. I am very unsure whether it is fair or right to want more ‘flow’ in the monologue. More flow could sort of destroy the whole point of the way of thinking.
Now, not really to do with the poem as a poem, I did want to weigh in on the subject of the faking. I am not aware of any woman faking it like that with me and I have gone on to wonder if that is because they were better at it, I was too thick skinned to notice or they could not be bothered to pretend it for me. You have me worried.
Signed
Worried of Englandmore...
Excellent GM
Really enjoyed this, like Todd - took me a minute. Funny thing - been having an offline conversation with another Lit poet about male voice - female voice and tried to put myself in a womans head ( pregnant woman, no less), Difficult! Well done - would like to see some female comments...more...
I took me a while to digest your comment, 1201. That particular blind spot is called pride of authorship, but you're right. In fact, "news at eleven" is quite a logjam, given how definitive it is.
Look for an edited version sometime in PF&D.more...
interesting take 1201
I was wondering what the hell was going on, till the
"Ooh Baby Baby
you feel so big"
then it put me inside the mind of a woman having boring mandatory sex, ticking off items and lists going through the motions, then its finished up after her obligatory fake orgasm then she wants to go watch the news.
I have no idea if that was your intention but to me it pulled together right there and gave me the context I needed to make the piece work.more...
Show more comments or
Read All 7 User Comments or
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!