- Erotic Poetry
- Sweet Summer Sweat
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Click hereSilky sweat on skin-
internal humidity,
he's on my mind again.
I'm dreaming summer stroking,
on blankets hidden
in grass-green groves-
that no one knows
but us.
Lips that whisper-moan
words unheard but felt,
and twisted by teasing tongues
that make breathing hard-
and thought unthinkable.
My eyes are closed
against too-bright sun,
and too-sharp eyes
that delve deep into places
I keep hidden even from him.
Then weight disappears-
and hands that held mine trapped
are pulling me higher,
as earth and air and self
explode-contract
and I'm crying-
as my eyes open,
and my hands reach
for a face that's not there.
Only my bedroom ceiling,
and the air-conditioner is broken again.
- COMMENTS
KOLKOREabout 16 years agoAll but the last stanza was an impressive expression of sundrenched emotions and images not like any beginner work IMHO. Thanks.
UnderYourSpellabout 16 years agoI found the ending to much of a let down too as if it didn't even belong to the rest of the poem that said it is clever too. Welcome to this mad online community
Angelineabout 16 years agoWe love meeting new poets and I've very much enjoyed reading your two offerings today. I tend to agree with LeBroz that this is the better written of the two you've posted today, and that you could lose most of the hyphens. I think it really only works with "grass-green." The other hyphens may be technically allowable, but I think they slow down the read. Also, the ending is a bit of a letdown, given all the lovely imagery that precedes it. I wonder if there is a more gentle way to pull the reader back to reality with you, but that, of course, is just my opinion. Great use of alliteration, by the way. Your poem has been recommended in the New Poems Review thread on Literotica's Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum. Feel free to drop by and join the party! :-)
LeBrozabout 16 years agoWelcome to Lit with the two pieces you've posted today. IMO, this is the better of the two. You have some fine imagery but I'd suggest less use of hyphens/dashes. I think those hyphen/dashes could be dropped without impacting the word flow.
