Tears to Shed

I don't know If anyone will read this, But it's a letter I've had to write to a friend. I've poured my heart on it but I need to know what people think. Should I reply.
This is a reply to a letter my friend wrote me.
I'm just so confused.
Please, Help me.
_______________________________
N,

(I'm typing this, because I have so much to say and very bad hand writing. Also don't check my grammar cause I write how I think, so it won't be perfect)

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry that I haven't been a good friend to you and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about this thing happening between us sooner, but I was scared. I was scared that you wanted nothing to do with me and talking about it would just make you more upset. It's kind of funny that you felt like I was mad at you, because I've been thinking you were mad at me.
You know, people always ask me what happened and I just tell them that One day, there was just nothing left to say. I use to wonder if maybe one day we would be friends but I guess you've decided that it's impossible. So I respect that. I also respect that you've gone a different way, that maybe you suddenly realized that I'm just not cool enough to be your friend. I don't know.

I'm really only writing because I can't even speak to you, of how much it hurts. I can't sit and pretend that everything is ok, because it's not. I can't smile and pretend like I'm happy about it, when I'm not. You're letter was very objective and cold. That's not the nicole that I knew and even though people tell me to just leave it like it is. You deserve better than that.
I really don't want to read your letter anymore, because it hurts too much. You think we can't ever be friends because it's impossible. That makes me really sad. That I meant so little to you.
You've done so much for me, and I've always felt like a burden to you. I always felt like I wasn't good enough to be your friend, because you were this great wonderful person and I'm so fucked up.... I only wanted to make you proud of me. I wanted you to feel happy to be my friend. I only wanted you to be happy.
I've cried so much over this. So much over you. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to waste any more tears on you. On this sick thing that's happening to us. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did to fuck it up, I usually have that affect on things.
(You should know I'm a big baby.)
That's why I can't talk to you, because I've cried so much over this. I feel like everything I've wanted to say, I've cried already so there's no point. I've felt so alone, so thrown away, You have no idea how much that hurts. To be left behind by the one person you trusted the most. I know I'm not perfect and I've done equal the amount of fucking up here but I never thought you could be so cold. I'm just done.
The truth is, I got tired of having to be the one to text you first, to call you first, I would try to spend time with you, to try to get you to talk to me, but it's like it never made a difference. I don't want to have to force you to be my friend, So I waited. I tried giving you space and you just left me behind. You made more friends and stopped caring about me. That's what it felt like to me. I felt like you got so caught up in everything else that you forgot about me. The funny, slightly anti-social down to earth girl that I met wasn't there anymore.
I don't want to lie to you anymore. But I'm not strong like you. I'm not smart or pretty or nearly as funny as I think I am. But for a while I thought I meant to you as much as you meant to me. You were one of the best things that ever happened to me and it made me sad to think that you didn't think I was wonderful as well. That I was replaceable.

You're like that void in my heart that I can't fill anymore, I feel like you were ripped out of my soul and even though it hurts and I know you don't feel the same. I know I'm going to be ok and the pity party has to end. So you're right maybe it's not healthy, maybe we shouldn't be friends but I'm always going to be your sister. So if you ever need a kidney (let me know) I also know I'm the last person you would call if you had a problem, but I'm always going to be here.

I love you. That's the objective in my letter.

Angie