- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Ted Finally Speaks
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Dildos in pink,
vibrators of plastic,
pleasures stretchable,
bendable and elastic.
How can I compete with double-headed dongs
and ten-speed remote control eggs?
I'm just a Ted -
rowdy, rough and ready.
My aim is true
but not that steady.
I've been in wicked bed and surfed some waves,
even been between an angel's legs.
But now I'm dusty;
I'm obsolete.
Portuguese won't use me
on their feet.
My name is Rowdy Ted.
Poets no longer take me to bed.
Wish they'd, at least, give me some head,
but they read me their poetry instead.
