- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Barn Loft
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Up where it's very empty,
the light leans in from
a high window.
Sitting here in the long
womanly arm of light,
one droopy-bottomed wasp
dives back and forth.
My corneas fight
eyelid wars.
- COMMENTS
buttersabout 13 years agothere's an originality of phrasing that pulls me in. that concept of the light leaning in, highlighting the emptiness... the 'long womanly arm of light' is another expression new to my eyes. it's evocative.
one slightly distracting ambiguity for me, though, as it appears the wasp is 'sitting' and yet 'dives back and forth'. yes, i can work out it's not intended to read as such, but i'm sure you are aware of the potential for problems with those lines. however, 'droopy-bottomed' sums up the aspect of the wasp entirely, and suggests the droning audios that conjure a further sleepiness.
not so keen on the 'eyelid wars', though it's the word 'corneas' that i find uncomfortable. maybe just my eyeball squeamishness. :)
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago.....this, atmospheric. Not sure about "corneas fighting eyelid wars" tho', R.E.M?
Tess + 5
